"I try to live in the now... where the ghosts of old wrongs do not abide."

Todays quote:

"I try to live in the now... where the ghosts of old wrongs do not abide."

The quote is actually said by Captain Nemo in "The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen." I find it to be good advice in most cases. I personally try really hard not to linger in the past, asking myself what I could have done differently. I do feel haunted from time to time.

In my first post I was reluctant to telling my age, but in this post I'm afraid the topic I want to discuss requires me to. In one week I'm leaving home again for another year of college. This summer I expected myself to be excited by this time, because besides some broken hearts and bad friendships, I really enjoyed being at school. However, I guess regardless of whether or not I'm in grade school or college, I'll always get a sinking feeling knowing my summer is over. I spent this summer trying to escape certain pieces of reality; mainly everything that had hurt me last year in school. I do feel rejuvenated, and a week ago I felt ready to go back but I don't know if I'm ever really ready for anything. It will be good for me to move back to school again. I'm far too comfortable sitting around at home. As another movie quote states "I never really know how much I miss being home until I've been somewhere really different."

College is fun and I want my college education and the school I'm at is exactly where I want to be for it. I just don't like being away from my Mom. She's my heart and when I don't have her near me I feel thrown off. Sometimes I can be irrational and usually she's the person who reasons with me. Tells me when I'm in the wrong or overreacting. She knows me better than anyone else, and that's saying something because most of the time I'm not even sure I know myself. As much as I hate leaving her, I have to. When she talks about all the things she didn't do, all her regrets, it makes me feel sad, almost guilty. When I'm older and I'm married with my own daughter, I want to tell her about all my adventures. I want to tell her how hard I worked to get to where I am.

And the gateway to my dreams is through college. Sometimes I guess you have to leave a piece of yourself behind in order to get the things you really want. Anyway, next year has a lot of exciting prospects to it. I'm in a new residence hall and I have all new classes. Including a film class and a creative writing class. Writing has always been my greatest passion and I'm hoping my teacher sees I have talent. I don't have enough credits to be in the class but the teacher admitted me after reading something I'd written. If I'm lucky, I'll learn a lot from my teacher. Same goes for film. If you're reading this, know someday you could say you once read the blog of an oscar winner or a best-selling author. Fingers Crossed. I read my old year book the other day and I never realized how many people wrote about how successful I would be someday. It restored some faith in myself.

I have to wake up early for work tomorrow, so I should really go to bed.

Thanks for listening.

Until tomorrow,

- NC