Random

Do you ever feel like an outsider? Sometimes when I'm at school I do. I want to connect with everyone, but most of the time I find I don't have anything in common with the people around me. There's nothing good to talk about. I used to think my inability to connect with certain people during high school was due to insecurity, but now I see it was really just a lack of common interests and sense of humor. I don't know.

I'm somewhat PMSing so I apologize in advance for my pessimism tonight. A few weeks ago I saw pictures of myself this time last year and I was so skinny. I had no idea I was so skinny, I was actually convinced I wasn't thin enough, but I was. Now that I've gained weight I don't really feel comfortable in my body, and I'd really kill to look the way I did a year ago. I'd appreciate my previous size so much more now. I know, I need to exercise and eat better. And I will. I just fell into the freshman-15 trap and need to pull myself back out of this alcohol and donut lined hole. I promised myself I would and I'm going to try my best to uphold that promise. I just wish I wasn't PMSing, my motivation is lessened so much by it.

Anyway, I don't have much else to write tonight. I watched the movie Coraline and it was decent. I wasn't crazy about it. The person I saw it with really liked it though. I guess it depends on your taste. I went to my friends dorm, we'll call him "camera-man" to watch the movie. Afterwards I walked with him to get cigarettes and then we stood outside his building while he smoked. I don't know why it surprises me that so many people are roaming around campus at 11:00 at night. A girl I know walked by, drunk of course, and yelled out to me "Who's the boy you're with?!" The camera-mans friends came by and one of them was trying to find some plant on the lawn that was edible. Another was kicking some fruit-looking things he kept picking out of a tree. A kid walked up to us, somewhat soaked, holding a stuffed animal (Rufus from Kim Possible apparently... it's a hairless mole rat or whatever) and he barely stayed long enough to talk before he took off again. Then a guy with really long hair riding his bike pulled over to talk. After he left the kid looking for edible lawn started throwing the inedible fruit at the big kid who had been picking it. Then the camera-man finished his cigarette and I came back to my room. Some-what home sweet home.

I need to get some sleep though, I'll leave you with a piece of a poem I read in one of my books tonight.

Enjoy.

Sorry I haven't updated lately, just been busy getting settled at school. I'll write more about what happened this week soon. Hopefully.

"Now I realize there's nothing

more personal than speech,

that I don't have to defend,

how I speak, how any person,

black, white, chooses to speak.

Let us speak. Let us talk

with the sound of our mothers

and fathers still reverberating

in our minds, wherever our mothers

or fathers come from:

Arkansas, Belize, Alabama,

Brazil, Aruba, Arizona.

Let us simply speak

to one another,

listen and prize the inflections,

never assuming how any person will sound

until his mouth opens, until her

mouth opens, greetings welcome

in any language.